In this deeply moving conversation, Joy opens up about her journey through an abusive marriage, the pain of starting over as a single mom, and how her faith in God became her anchor through it all. Her story is one of courage, healing, and rediscovering her worth in Christ.
Introducing Joy
Blessing: Hello Joy, thank you for joining me today. Could you tell us a bit about yourself?
Joy: It’s nice meeting you too. My name is Joy. I’m a Nigerian, a Christian, a fashion designer, and a single mum.
Blessing: How was your upbringing?
Joy: I had a very Christian upbringing. My parents gave us a strong spiritual foundation. We were taught to live as Christians — in our words, our attitude, and how we relate with others. That background shaped how I saw life and marriage.
The Beginning of the Marriage
Blessing: You mentioned being a single mum. What led to that?
Joy: I became a single mum on 28 November 2023. I got married in 2022 — the court wedding was in May, and the church wedding was in August.
Even before the church wedding, there were already red flags. I started noticing things that didn’t seem right, but I pushed them aside because everything was already in motion. After my traditional wedding, I found out I was pregnant. I had relocated, sold my things, and I felt there was no turning back.
I told myself every problem had a solution. But not long after marriage, things became unbearable.
Living in Fear
My husband had serious anger issues. He was aggressive and never thought logically. I kept hoping prayer would change him. His family made things worse — they were always in our business.
I couldn’t tell anyone what I was going through. I didn’t tell my parents or my best friend. Everyone thought I was happy, but I cried every week during my pregnancy. I kept a diary where I wrote everything happening.
He could be nice one minute and angry the next. Sometimes he’d say life wasn’t worth living. I realised later he probably had his own emotional or mental struggles, but he took them out on me.
One day, while I was pregnant, I asked him to take me to the hospital. He told me he wasn’t my Uber driver. I went alone heartbroken as I couldn’t drive, going with public transport as a heavily pregnant woman was not easy. That day, the doctor said I was already contracting and had to be induced immediately.
When I called him, he ended the call. I cried in pain. Later that evening, when I got home, he acted as if nothing had happened — asking what I wanted to eat. I can’t even describe how broken I felt.
When I finally gave birth, he shouted at me to hurry up when I couldn’t even walk properly. I didn’t get a “well done” or “how did it go?” I just knew I couldn’t keep living like that.
It wasn’t just emotional abuse — it became physical. I told myself I had to save my life and my baby’s.
People often say, “Stay for the sake of your child.” But I don’t agree with that. A child deserves peace, not abuse. They can grow up thinking that’s normal. So I decided to leave. I left with a swollen face and no plan, but I knew staying was no longer an option.
Attempts to Reconcile
Blessing: Did you ever try to go back or give him another chance?
Joy: I did. The first time I left was in August 2023 after he strangled me and threw my things out. My brother came to pick me up. Later, my husband brought people to beg my parents, and I thought maybe he was truly sorry.
He promised to go for deliverance and anger management, so I went back. For two days, things were fine, but it didn’t last. I realised it was a mistake. About three months later, I left for good.
Since then, I’ve been a single mum. Through it all, I’ve grown spiritually and in business. Sometimes I tell my friends I could pass for a counsellor because of what I’ve survived.
Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
Struggling with Faith
Blessing: How did that experience affect your relationship with God?
Joy: My mum kept telling me to pray and seek spiritual help. I even went with him to different prayer places and deliverance programmes. But he never wanted to change.
I kept praying and ‘binding and casting’, but it felt like God was silent. I began to ask, “Why me, God? Why would You let me go through this?”
There were days I sat outside crying, asking how long I’d live like that. But after I finally left, I saw things differently. God hadn’t abandoned me — He was saving me. I realised that life outside that marriage was possible.
Lessons About Love and Trust
Blessing: How has this experience shaped your view of love and marriage?
Joy: When I left, I told myself I would never go through something like that again. My trust level changed. I became more careful — especially about in-laws and people’s intentions.
But I still believe in love and in second chances. I know not all men are bad. My faith reminds me that God can still bring beauty out of brokenness.
Self-Care and Forgiveness
Blessing: How do you prioritise self-care and healing? Have you forgiven your abuser?
Joy: Being a single mum makes it hard to prioritise self-care, but I try. Sometimes I just take time to rest and focus on my daughter.
Emotional healing isn’t automatic — it’s a conscious process. You have to remind yourself that you’re no longer in that environment. I pray a lot and believe that God has better days ahead.
As for forgiveness, I’m still working on it. I don’t think about him often. I pray for God to forgive him, but sometimes I still feel angry when I remember what happened. Forgiveness is a process for me.
Faith Community and Support
Blessing: Has your church or community supported you during this time?
Joy: Yes. My current church has been my spiritual backbone. At first, I didn’t even want to go to church, but they encouraged me.
My friends — especially my best friend — have also been a huge support spiritually, emotionally, and even financially. I’m grateful for the people God has placed around me.
Boundaries and Growth
Blessing: How do you balance forgiveness with setting healthy boundaries?
Joy: I’ve learned to see people differently. I still believe in giving chances, but I also value honest conversations. I don’t just assume things anymore; I try to address issues openly and early.
I won’t easily compromise my peace again. I’ve learned that love without boundaries leads to pain.
Message of Hope
Blessing: What message would you like to share with others going through similar experiences—like someone currently in an abusive relationship?
Joy: Honestly, until you’re ready, no one can convince you to leave. But you know your limit.
My mum never told me to leave; I planned to save money and move out quietly. But before I could, I was almost beaten to death. Some people stay because of apologies, kids, or shame. But there’s life after an abusive marriage.
When you leave, you’ll start to find yourself again. You’ll begin to live intentionally and plan your life in peace. Don’t stay because of children — they deserve a healthy environment.
Don’t lose yourself. Don’t believe the lies your abuser tells you. You are valued, beautiful, and enough.
When you get the chance to leave, please leave — and then find yourself again. Surround yourself with people who care about you. Don’t stay silent; you can’t handle it alone.
Don’t stay because of your children. They deserve peace and safety. Some people die trying to endure.
Find God and hold on to Him. He loves you deeply. He leaves the ninety-nine for the one. You are that one.
Blessing: Thank you, Joy, for your courage and honesty. Your story is powerful, and I believe it will give hope to many women.
Joy: Thank you for having me. I just want others to know — it’s not the end. With God, you can heal, rebuild, and live again.
Joy’s story reminds us that God’s love doesn’t abandon us in the valley. Even in our lowest moments, His hand is still at work — protecting, restoring, and rebuilding.
If you’re reading this and you feel trapped, unseen, or afraid to leave, remember: God does not delight in your suffering. His desire is for your freedom and healing. You are not alone, and you are not beyond help.
There is life, love, and peace waiting for you outside of pain. Take the step when you can — God will meet you there.
A Prayer for Healing and Courage
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for Joy’s story — a story of deliverance, courage, and grace.
I lift up everyone reading this who may be in pain or fear right now. Lord, remind them that You are near. Give them the strength to make the right decisions, the courage to walk away from harm, and the peace that comes only from You.Heal every wound, restore every broken heart, and surround them with Your love and support.
May they find safety, purpose, and joy again in You.In Jesus’ name, Amen.
If this has blessed you,
Please share with a friend!
Called to Priesthood 
Leave a comment